Something’s missing
Embracing imperfections to be reborn a new
For the past 3 months, I’ve been showing up to appointments early & running into all sorts of time delays. I would get so frustrated and a stream of self judgment would descend upon me for miss reading the schedule or calculating the wrong amount of time in traffic. To the best of my efforts, it kept this pattern of mistake or imperfect just kept happening. My family always raised me to be on time and efficient. Any mistakes made were unacceptable so I had a lot of self blame for this imperfect moments. Amidst losing my sanity, I also lost my main set of jewelry that I’ve been wearing for years. Now ladies, if you feel me say ‘Amen’ because you know how attached you are to your daily wear, your stables, your main. They’ve been a part of your attire for so long. It’s just painful to lose them. I had just found a replacement for my ear ring and ring then this afternoon I was looking for my rose quartz necklace. It went missing too. After finishing last nights Mooji Retreat, I feel so relaxed, high on life & lightness in every part of my being. Suddenly, the ego mind pulls me back in with this necklace. I sat in silence for a little while to sense the Consciousness to witness this frantic energy. I did some work to distract myself from the never ending doom feeling of losing. I kept on with the day and it dawned on me.
The ego mind was playing tricks on me again. It isn’t my first time losing a crystal necklace. In India, they say if you lose your crystal it means you no longer need it anymore. It has served its fullest potential for you. Allow this crystal to recycle. It might go missing or you might give it away. It’s time for there be a letting go and a new. I remember, I had an amethyst necklace and I wore it everywhere with me through my adventures in India. One day, I was surfing the waves in Varkala & we were getting lost in the waves. Letting Shiva(Water God) play with us for the day. As I was walking out of the water, I felt my neck, “Oh no, my necklace is gone!” I exclaimed to my friend. “Shiva took it, that means it’s good luck.” he smiles. Later on he explained the crystal theory to me. And it was shortly after that I left India for Los Angeles. There were signs along the way to tell me, it was time to move on. Sometimes, we want to hold on to our perfect moments forever as if change isn’t constant. It is when we resistance change and find signs which remind us of the past to cling onto the idea that we try to recreate which causes us pain. I will miss this necklace but like with all things, I must go with the flow of Consciousness. Allow it to appear or disappear as it pleases. Just like my schedule and perfectly holding on to the idea that I can’t make any scheduling mistakes that I must be efficient like a factory worker on a production line. I allow myself to be human & perhaps it’s telling me I need to slow down. Give space, allow there to be freedom of expression as it appears.
