Mom you trigger me.
What are traumas anyways?
I still get triggered when I speak to my mom. A feeling of fear and love overwhelms me at the same time. Most Chinese children grow up to be afraid of their parents. It is the order of confucianism that your life is a debt to your parents. They gave you life and comforts of everything you have. You are to be grateful and repay that debt everyday of your life. Yep, that’s what Confucius said (he probably hates his own children). Parents always say it’s for your own good. Although in their extreme disciplinary ways that could be illegal in some western countries. It is perfectly normal in your parents world because they grew up with worse. It wasn’t so long ago that Hong Kong was a port city that became a war zone between the Axis and Allies. As a child, I was most intrigued by fables and stories told by my grandmothers, aunties, and family friends. Like the story of Love separated in war or families that haven’t met because of civil war in China. How democracy and communism formed during World War II. I never thought these stories of changes and separation could inform a whole generation or group of people. Now, to my friends in the U.S. they were families of immigrants that maybe have fled there because of war and some just ended up there as settlers from Europe and as slaves from Africa. So when I learned Transgenerational Trauma and Epigenetics during my studies. I was profoundly shock for a day. Why Shocked?
I basically found out how hard it is to heal independently that we actually need to bring our ancestors and past experiences into play. It doesn’t mean dwell in the past, simply means from a clinician point of view that you are able to get more data on how this person’s current behavior in addiction, compulsion, or depression could be treated. How does this apply to me, you say?
Have you ever known a friend he’s a perfectly normal guy but he just has a drinking problem. You don’t know why? Well it probably has to do with Transgenerational Trauma.
Let’s break down how Trans-generational (Inter-generational) Trauma and Epigenetics which is the chain of DNA passed on by each generation. Trans-generational epigenetic inheritance can apply to mammals commonly due to the numerous factors including ‘complex societal forces that persist over time says biologist. If our ancestor can pass on their physical features, of course they can also pass on their psychology and physiology DNA.
Again, let’s ask ourselves, how are our behavior patterns formed? Sometimes, some part of it is surely not in our control. We can’t change the past but how can we use history to reclaim our present moment… Right here, right now? We can begin by acknowledging that life is not independent, that we all harbour some kind of trauma in our everyday life and in our own DNA.
How can we mitigate our traumas and stresses everyday? We can allow space for the unseen in our lives and acceptance our imperfections. How can we cultivate care for our inner needs and letting go of the thought that maybe we can control it all. We are not alone on this journey, we are humans living in a web of connection to one another. To accept that there are triggers like “Mom, you really did hurt me but now I know it isn’t you or me to blame.” It’s the generations of trauma felt and here we are. She is not an all perfect powerful mom being, she is also human. I accept you for who you are and therefore I accept myself for all that I am rather; it is perfect or unacceptable. I love it all, wholeheartedly.
On the next article, I’ll explain a little more different kind of Traumas on in our everyday life and how it affects our behavior. How we can bring mindfulness practice in short easy steps to bring your day to whole new level of relaxation.
