Being spacious to ourselves
From caterpillar to butterfly…
The pass two days has been so tough & I found myself struggling to practice awareness and calling out fear based emotion I had. Old tapes playing and bringing up emotions of anxiety, frustration, anger. The bad tapes don’t seem to stop playing! Two days of looping passed by, I paused and called out these fears to the table. Noticing them as I am driving, noticing it when I am in conversation at work or with my partner. I practice awareness and noticing and naming. I had always been practicing awareness but naming was something I could finally hold space for. Because it takes courage to sit with your skeletons. My heart took deep looking within to identify and sitting with intense emotion as they arise. I practice as Tara has taught it one of her lectures. I also repeated got frustrated at times just sit with that emotion. Each time I gave myself less judgment and kept trying. Over the past two days, reading radical acceptance and watching Tara’s lectures help me to deeply sit with myself. Find community in our new moon energy group. Also brought me closer to myself and other’s current suffering. I found time to see an energy healing teacher and she said my energy seem to have shifted. “You are clear in all of my chakras.” Without her telling me, I knew I had felt the same. During Christmas I was struggling to even get out of bed to host my own Friends Christmas Party. Since new year, the energy has shifted. I was having the hardest end of the year and I promised myself the beginning of next year had to be better.
I felt at times, I couldn’t help myself to feel so attached to the old tapes. I realise I could notice bring in gratitude first when you can’t see your way of out your misery. Our ego tricks us and catches us with old stories and distorted memories.
Practising gratitude gives space to our awareness to notice ‘letting go of our old tapes’ attached to our personality. Our soul is free of stories of the past or future. It is here in the present moment radiating light with endless compassion. Smiling at every challenge & rising to love instead of fear. At any moment we can choose to love or fear.
We’re always looking for the end game, the end of journey only because we are resisting, kicking, and screaming our way into this world and sometimes even on the way out. The point is you can choose how you want to leave the world. My goal in life is to leave this place having contributed in some way even if it’s just smiling to a stranger on the street or not getting angry at another driver from cutting me off. It may seem iinfinitial moments to you but it is one small gesture which leads to great passers.
